I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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