I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
