like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I'm passing your future prison.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
