i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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