It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
