why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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