you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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