lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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