well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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