How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
