just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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