I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
