If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
