i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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