my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
