nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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