are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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