If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
false alarm, still single
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
