I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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