I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Randomize
