im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
