Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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