I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
