you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
