i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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