He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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