Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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