we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
