I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
