I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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