Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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