She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
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