I smell stomach acid.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
