i jhust puked up my retainher.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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