; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I hate all girls vehemently.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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