Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
