I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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