they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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