thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
