is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
