I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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