Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
