Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
