yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
