STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
