i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
