I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
