so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Tornado booty call.. dedication
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Randomize
