If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
