Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
