She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Randomize
