Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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