how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
why is half of my head shaved?
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