Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
